I think I am the most criticised President in
the whole world, but I want to tell this
audience that before I leave, I will be the
most praised President,” said President
Goodluck Jonathan at the opening of the
52nd Annual General Meeting of the
Nigerian Bar Association at the International
Conference Centre in Abuja.
Hey guys, I guess you know that pointing fingers
is not my style, hahaha, just as I know that it will
be difficult to find a single Nigerian who hasn’t
pointed fingers at President Goodluck Jonathan
since he became President. But really, can so
many fingers be pointed at a single individual all
at the same time? Some people have gone to the
extent of saying that since Jonathan took office,
everything has gone to hell in a handbasket.
Others have held him responsible for everything
that has gone wrong in the country, from the tear
in their pants to the economy. Trust me: Nigerians
are beginning to agree that when it comes to
assigning blame, look to Jonathan first. There are
some hardliners who don’t care if Jonathan wasn’t
President during the civil war. He must have been
thinking about it, and that’s good enough reason
for them. They even say that if he hadn’t been
sticking his nose into government, the civil war
wouldn’t have happened. Funny, Nigerians have
found the perfect target for dealing with their
bad days. Late to work? Blame Jonathan! Did the
soup in the fridge melt when you weren’t looking?
It’s Goodluck Jonathan. Can’t find your smelling
socks? Jonathan! Your baby pees on the chair,
again? Jonathan. The possibilities are endless!
Hey, are we not just being unfair to Goodluck
Jonathan? We blame him for all and everything.
Even for things that are not his fault. Let me ask
you something sir or madam, if Jonathan is to
blame for everything wrong in Nigeria today, what
becomes of the previous presidents under whose
regimes most of these problems started?
On Tuesday evening on my way back from NTA, I
stopped at the Bar Beach to buy suya. I was a
little bit early because I met the aboki lighting his
charcoal. As I waited, I saw two weird looking
rastas looking like archangels Michael and Gabriel
in their white Cele garments walk down to just
about five yards from the water, raised their holy
robes in unison like atilogwu dancers trying to
master a new dance routine and bent down and
began to defecate. Couples of minutes later, I
heard them walking back complaining of how dirty
and smelly the beach had become from what it
used to be. As they passed by me, the taller one
said “omo naija, presido no dey try at all. See as
this place don yamayama finish, dem no dey see as
those oyinbo beach be for inside film wey we dey
watch?” At that point, I couldn’t hold back my
anger. I just had to say something: “Shebi na una
just shit finish for that place so? And una get
mouth dey blame the president. Una see him shit
for there?”
We are having a distant relationship with the
truth in this country. We have developed that rare
ability to be hypocritical and not so much as give a
damn whether we are equally guilty of the things
we are blaming on others. In truth, Goodluck
Jonathan should roll up his sleeves, spit on his
palms and get to work on a lot of things. We keep
saying that corruption escalated under his regime
but why do we keep failing to associate it with the
fact that these corrupt individuals are Nigerians?
I listened to some custom officers saying that If
it wasn’t for Goodluck Jonathan’s backward
policies, everything at the Nigerian borders would
be perfect. Yes, let us keep dumping everything
on Goodluck Jonathan. Even our own
responsibilities as citizens. He’s the reason our
custom and police officers are more interested in
collecting bribes than fighting crime and checking
for contraband goods coming into the country. It
is also Jonathan’s fault that the security
operatives at the Lagos airport have all turned
beggars. Should the president also take the rap
for the Director-General of the Standards
Organisation of Nigeria not being able to see that
the nation is littered with fake products? Maybe
Goodluck Jonathan should be with him daily and
point him towards fake products and
manufacturers. The fight to save this country
does not begin or stop at Janathan’s table. It
must be an all Nigerian battle. Let the pastors
stop praying for corrupt politicians and tell them
to their faces to stop stealing public funds. If all
drivers have their complete vehicle papers and
obey traffic laws, there will be no need to give out
money to the police and we will be on our way to a
better society.
Ask yourself where your governor got the billions
he spends on frivolities? People in the rural areas
of Akwa Ibom state are living in thatched houses
and we are building another stadium? Have you
tried asking what the Abia State Government did
with the state’s allocation for eight years? Do
you think President Jonathan will be allowed a
minute of sleep if he failed to remit monies due
to the states? So why then do we pour all the
blames on him? Your governor owns empty estates
in Dubai and factories in South Africa when people
of their states are homeless and jobless, is that
Jonathan’s fault too? Where did we get the
preposterous notion that President Jonathan took
office and people started having trouble finding
jobs? Did we have a zero unemployment rate in
the country before President Jonathan? Millions
of Nigerians are working their asses out and dying
as contract staffs and casual workers, where is
the NLC? Is it not aware of the appalling working
conditions Nigerian workers are subjected to by
multinationals? Of course, it is all Jonathan’s
fault. Last time I checked, Jonathan was a
president or a magician. Should he be doing the
job of the NLC too, supervising every sector of
the country at the same time? Let us be truthful
to ourselves, since when have we had good roads in
this country? Were there roads in the country
that Jonathan destroyed? Have we had electricity
in the country before President Jonathan? We say
Boko Haram started as a result of poverty and
lack of education in the North, were there schools
in the North that Jonathan destroyed? Trust me,
the architects of Boko Haram know what they’re
talking about when they say it is all Jonathan’s
fault.
For everyone out there, below are a list of things
Goodluck Jonathan is yet to be blamed for, so go
ahead and make your pick and let the blame game
continue: Cancer, AIDS, racism, air pollution, sin,
child porn, human meat at Jankara market, home
video, obesity, Drake sleeping with everyone’s
chic, Kim Kardashian’s nude picture, tribalism and
every other kind of ism, Arsenal’s trophyless
seasons, Facebook, Twitter and Wizkid’s last album.
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