Married For All The Wrong Reasons

By The Praying Woman

Sometimes we choose our “Mr. Right” without
consulting with God and this can only lead to
disaster and heartache. Before you get
married, check your motives. Why do you
want to get married? Is it for the right
reasons?

I remember when my ex husband and I first
started dating. I was convinced that he was a
gift from God. He was so different from all
the other men I had dated before him. He was
a protector, a provider, and it was evident to
everyone who saw us together that he loved
him some me. We argued frequently because
it was also evident that I didn’t love him as
much as he loved me. I loved him, but I
wasn’t in love with him. There’s a big
difference. I was in love with the idea of
being a family. Our daughter deserved to
have a family. Not just 2 divorced parents. I
was in love with the idea of having a partner.

Someone I could rely on when I needed him.
For the first time in my life, I wasn’t alone.

But I wasn’t in love with my husband.

Two years into our marriage, my husband and
I were to the point we were sleeping in two
separate rooms. We had agreed to basically
live as roommates for the sake of our
daughter. That lasted a few months and then
one day he packed his bags and never
returned.

I prayed night and day for God to return my
husband home to me. I prayed that He would
soften my husband’s heart towards me just
enough for me to pour my heart out to him. I
was sure that if he saw me cry and saw just
how sorry and torn up I was, he would
forgive me and be home in no time. I begged
and pleaded with God to give me a chance to
make my marriage right. All I needed was one
chance. I promised I would love my husband
like I’ve never loved him before. All I needed
was the chance to show both, him and God
that I could be a loving wife.

But it didn’t happen. I began to become bitter
and my mind had a million questions running
through it that only God could answer.

“Why would God allow my husband to divorce
me? I mean… I repented. I said I was sorry.”

“What happened to God being a forgiving God?
“
I was forgiven, but God knew my motives. He
knew my heart wasn’t in my marriage.
I was
looking for someone to fill a void that only He
could fill. He knew at that moment, I wasn’t
capable of being anyone’s wife. This was not
a union that was entered with God’s blessings
to start with. As hard as it is to admit, I got
married for all the wrong reasons. I was
making a mockery of marriage. I took
something that was supposed to be sacred and
made it about my ego.

My story may not be your exact story, but
before you say “I do” make sure you are not
getting married for all the wrong reasons.

Don’t get married to escape loneliness. A
spouse won’t cure loneliness. Your partner
will never fulfill the deep longing in your
heart that only God can fill.

Don’t get married because you figure “ I’m not
getting any younger… might as well” right? …

WRONG!
Don’t get married because you feel pressured
from family, a spiritual leader, or your mate.

Don’t get married out of desperation. Because
you’re tired of waiting for the one God has for
you. Don’t compromise Mr. Right for Mr. Right
Now.

If you are getting married just to turn the pre-
marital sex you are already having into
marital sex then you are getting married for
the wrong reasons.

Yes, I’m familiar with Paul’s admonition in 1
Corinthians 7:9 that it’s better to marry than
“to burn with lust.” But you have take that
verse a bit deeper. Paul is talking about the
importance of self-control. If you don’t have
it, you are in for trouble—especially within
the context of marriage. Marriage won’t solve
the problem of pre-marital sex because at the
heart of the issue is self-control.

Bringing lack
of self-control into a marriage can lead to all
sorts of trouble down the road. That’s not to
say your marriage is doomed if you’ve had
sex outside of marriage—it’s certainly not—
just that there should be a lot of other strong
reasons for marriage other than a desire to
have (or continue to have) sex.