Friends are definitely a big part of our being
and our social lives. As humans we need friends,
we need people to share feelings, have
conversations with them, and just construct our
social networks. Friends are there for us when
we need them and good friends are there for us
all the time and bring the best out of us. On
the other side, sometimes you consider someone
a friend and they stay your friend for a while,
but then one incident happens and gets you to
the conclusion that maybe they are not your
friends. Maybe they were just taking advantage
of you or a service you provided but once their
benefit stopped, they revealed their true colors.
Therefore, it is extremely important to choose
your friends and not just choose someone
because they provide you a certain service.
Friends should be chosen based on their
personality and because they bring the best out
of you when you are with them.
You may have a lot of friends and a large
network, but the true, working network is
defined by your true friends. It is really hard to
find good, supportive friends that are willing to
befriend you for who you are and your
personality. That’s why there certain things to
look for in a person to ensure that he is worthy
of befriending. In addition, it is always wise to
choose friends that are lively, that will lift you
up and not bring you down, and who appreciate
you. Now, Let’s have a look at some of the signs
that friends are not actually our friends.
1. Backbiting
Backbiting is the act of speaking of someone in
their absence. True friends do not wait until you
leave the room so that they spit out degrading
words about you and how bad you are and
exaggerate your personality in a bad way. This is
one potential sign that that your so-called
friend is not really your friend.
2. Disregard
Ever been in a situation let us say in university
where you knew this person as your friend and
you studied together a certain course and did
all the assignments and projects together. Then
later you actually find out after the course is
over that this person no longer stays in touch
with you and just disregards any phone calls
from you. This is a big shocker but it happens in
life. People like is are advantage takers; they
just are your friends to be able to study with
you, but after all that is done it is like they
never knew you.
3. Not Wishing You
The Best
True friends will always wish you the best in
your work, home, family, and life in general.
This is because true friends feel happy and
accomplished when you achieve a milestone or
reach a goal.
4. Setting You Up
This does not happen a lot but could happen
occasionally. It is definitely frustrating and
heart breaking when you find out that the
person that set you up is an old friend. If this
ever happens, it definitely reflects that that
person is not a true friend for sure.
5. Demotivating/
Discouraging You
Discouraging a friend from carrying out a task
that may be harmful or unbeneficial could be
something positive. However, there are other
cases when you find that a friend or companion
is demotivating you or discouraging you from
doing something helpful and useful in fear of
you succeeding and getting ahead of them. This
definitely indicates that they do not want the
best for you and thus do not qualify as friends.
6. Not Missing You
Another red flag when it comes to friendship is
not missing you. This seems like something silly
and not given much attention but there is more
meaning to it than it seems. True friends will
wait until you come back if you go for a trip
and will make the effort to pass by and welcome
you back home.
7. Not Happy To See
You
Friends usually are happy to see each other all
the time. On the contrary, fake friends will just
be happy to see a “friend” when they need help
with something or when there is some benefit on
the line. After all the work is done and they do
not need any more help… these phony friends
will not care to see you or may not be happy to
see all the time.
8. Taking Advantage
This is one of the biggest reasons or calls for
fake friends. Taking advantage is such a bad
thing but yet is used by many people as a
motive to become friends with others. This can
be spotted and noticed if a person contacts his
friends just when in need for a favor while
ignoring them when not in need.
9. Using Excuses To
Avoid You
Ever been in a situation where you tried to
contact a friend but would not answer your calls
and then when ask why he did not answer he will
give you an excuse? At first, you consider that
the excuse might be true and that he could be
busy and unable to answer your calls. However,
time after time with the excuses varying, you
feel like there is something wrong and go along
with your day. You end up meeting them
unexpectedly and notice that they are out
chilling with others but they have told you that
they were busy with work. Suddenly you feel
misery and that you are not important to them.
Now, you made sure that they were just avoiding
you all along by providing false excuses.
10. Blaming You
Friends are meant to protect each other and
depending on the degree of friendship, cover up
for each other. One thing to take notice of is if
your friend is blaming everything on you
whenever you guys fall in trouble even though
you might be innocent. Other than lying, your
friend is putting your friendship in danger.
11. Understanding
True friends are those who understand you and
what you are doing. They will never make you
feel bad because you prefer work over play or
over hanging out with them. A sketchy friend
will make you feel terrible because you passed on
an invitation because you have a more important
thing.
12. Pretending
Pretending to be someone’s friend is a common
trick that individuals use to try to derive a
benefit from someone else. The problem with this
is that some people are actually good actors and
it is really hard to tell if they are trying to get
to know you as a friend or just interested in a
skill you have. However, once friends it is easier
to discover whether they are real friends or not
by checking whether or not they like to hang out
with you or communicate outside the studying
environment or whatever.
13. Cannot Tell Them
A Secret
There are people we are around that we do not
feel comfortable telling secrets too. I mean
secrets are a big detail of our life that is
important to us and usually once exposed can
lead to potential issues and problems. If you
cannot tell a friend a secret then he is not
really a friend.
14. Family Details
This is not always the case but with friends you
usually share details of family and ask about
their families just as they ask about yours. This
comes from the fact that friends usually wish
you the best and care about you and so knowing
that family is a big part of us, they ask about
your family to make sure everything is going
well.
15. You Only See Them
In Group Settings
If we all considered whoever we saw in group
gatherings or meetings a friend, we would all
have infinite friends. Individuals you do not
spend time with one on one or in a small group
would not be considered friends.
16. They Forget
Important Dates
Friends are meant to remember important dates
including your birthday, graduation, wedding,
and so on. This is because these dates define us
and are a huge part of our lives just like a true
friend. Therefore, remembering such dates adds
more value to a friendship. A casual or fake
friend would not bother remembering such
dates.
17. No One Else
Available
One can get really excited if they receive a call
from a friend whom they enjoy their company on
a weekend, right? What if you discovered or get
an impression that your so-called friend is
actually calling because no else is free so you
are like his back-up plan? That could turn all
the excitement immediately into distress and
aggravation.
18. Cannot Be Yourself
Around Them
This is a really important point. Do you feel like
you are comfortable to be yourself around your
friend(s)? Are you able to show your true colors
and behave as you wish? Some people find it
difficult to be themselves around others and so
in this case, those people are not really
considered friends.
19. You Are Doing All
The Effort
Many relationships nowadays are one-sided
relationships and just don’t work. One party is
putting in all the effort while the other cannot
be bothered or is just not attempting to make
the relationship work. This could also apply to
friendship and can often lead to the loss or
destruction of a friendship.
20. Giving Up On You
True friendship is special and comes in a very
embellished and decorated package. Ever had a
friend that even when you have given up on
yourself during a really bad situation, they still
never gave up on you and are trying their best
to get you back on your feet? If yes, then this
is a friend to keep for life. Even though friends
are not obliged to correct your mistakes,
especially when you feel there is no solution, a
true friend will put in that effort to save you.
21. Awkward Silences
During conversations between friends there
could end up being a long pause or silence that is
known as “awkward silence”. There are silences
but if you ever feel like you cannot sit down and
be quiet, feel compelled to fill in that silence,
then this could be a sign that the person you
are talking to is not actually a friend.
22. Apologizing For
Not Being Able To Pick
You UP
True friends are always there for each other.
They usually agree on picking each other up or
dropping each other off at the airport for
example, no matter what the time is. I’m sure
at least some of us experienced that where a
friend would drop you off at an airport at times
like 5 am.
23. Not Borrowing
From Each Other
Another benefit that comes about from good
friendship is the ability to borrow and provide
help to each other. I’m talking about borrowing
things that normal people do not share with each
other. Examples of these include cars, expensive
electronic appliances, or even items of clothing.
24. Fixing Friendship
Issues
Again, this is one of the good things about true
friendships, but is missing in fake friendships.
True friends tend to always try to resolve any
issues that arise between each other instead of
worsening everything. Moreover, some friends
actually accept criticism even though they might
not be the party that committed the mistake or
started the argument.
25. Pointing Out Areas
of Improvement
Pointing out areas of improvement is one
important factor when it comes to self-
development and improvement. Casual friends
who are not true friends will not try to point
out something wrong you are doing and try to
advise you to correct it.
26. Doing Favors
Expanding on the idea that a friend should be
there for you all the time, friends should be
open for favors. So you want a friend you can
depend on, that can help out when you need the
help. At the same time, you need to be there
for them too. One important thing for this
buddy system to work is to not keep track of
the number of favors you do for each other,
because if your friend counts the favors he
does, he might not be a true friend. This is
because remembering favors could lead to the
rise of issues and complaining about one does not
do as many favors as the others and the
friendship just takes a great fall!
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