Don’t do these 8 things in a non-committal
relationship because, though love is spontaneous
and doesn’t hold back, it pays to be cautious,
especially when there is no formal commitment
from the so-called lover.
Love is sharing, caring and living for and with
someone.
Most people will agree also that falling in love,
finding love, is getting more and more difficult
– with most people preferring to go for physical
relationships of sex without emotions.
What this means is that staying in a relationship
for long is almost a dream.
A few days of sex and seeming love end in
bitterness and you’re in the love market again.
This is why, even when the relationship seems
perfect, there are some things you must never
do for that person — at least not until you’re
wedded or there’s a binding document in place.
Love is about giving in and giving up a few
things, but…
1. Don’t change your personality: Now, they say
you should change for the one you love. Yes,
that is true. But when the changing comes from
you alone and it seems like you’re being re-
manufactured, then something is wrong. No man
or woman should attempt to change you
entirely, unless you really have bad habits. Aside
this, in the event that you’re separated, the
hurt will be worsened by the fact you won’t
recognise yourself. You’ll be nothing without
that person. A person who loves you must accept
the real you.
2. Don’t abandon your dreams: This is another
one you should be careful about. Two people in
love ca exist without killing each other’s dreams.
It is a good thing for both of you to alter your
careers and dreams to accommodate each
other. But there is a limit. A true lover would
aid your dream, ask you to abandon it. Work out
a middle way. If you lose your dream for a
relationship that is not yet solid, marriage
especially, sorry will be your consolation when it
ends.
3. Don’t abandon your friends and
family: Hmmm, it really is sad that some people
let love kill their relationships with kith and kin
that they had before meeting their lover. They
do not realise that friends are the only thing
you can fall back to when you hit life’s road
bumps. If a lover makes it a case to break your
link to friends and family, please exit. They
should find a way to accommodate your friends.
If you lose your friends to that relationship,
what happens if it ends?
4. Don’t set up businesses or share details of
official information: Many people think it is love
to expose their entire business plans and
financial information to a supposed lover. But
this is dangerous. A lot of people ‘love’ just to
deceive and maybe swindle. If they have access
to sensitive official details, like ATM card pins,
internet bank passwords, property document
details, etc, you are exposed to danger!
5. Don’t become a donor agency: Lovers should
help each other, morally and financially.
However, don’t be saddled to a leech, a tick who
only feeds off you. You’re not a bank account
or donor agency to anyone. As you give, make
sure it’s reasonable, and for genuine needs. A
lover who always returns for more is a gold-
digger, a fraud that you don’t need. Small
money gifts are cool, but should not become the
norm and basis of love.
6. Don’t give unofficial loans, bad personal
investments: Loans are relationship killers. If a
lover wants huge sums of money from you, be
wise and make it legal. At worst, make sure the
money is deposited to his/her bank account, to
leave a trail that can be used to retrieve it in
case you guys fight. To withdraw N200,000 and
give to your lover in cash as a loan is not wise.
Instead, transfer via bank and write ‘loan’. If
the money is big a signed IOU might be
necessary. Also avoid foolish investments like
setting up businesses or funding projects
without legal documents. This may look rigid, but
many people have killed ex-lovers because they
could not retrieve their ‘investments’.
7. Don’t give unfettered access to private
emails and social media accounts: In these
modern times, social media accounts are very
sensitive. It should be as personal as possible.
Making it a public affair for a transient lover is
bad, bad and bad. Imagine the damage they
could do if you break up? He or she could for
example lock you out of your own account or
even send out compromising messages through
your account.
8. Don’t reveal compromising information or
damaging materials: When we fall in love, there
is the temptation to talk too much, way too
much than we need to. There should a lot of
discussion between people in a relationship. But
some things should never be said to some people
who are not yet fully committed to a
relationship. Sharing intimate secrets will put
you up for future attacks. Ex-lovers are fond
of sharing demining information, like nudes or
private talks.
Love doesn’t hold back, it is spontaneous, it is
forgiving and every other good thing.
But it pays to be cautious, especially when there
is no formal commitment from so-called lover.
To be in love is to love with wisdom and caution…
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