One of the major causes of divorce in our society these days is not sexual
infidelity, but poor or the lack of good communication between couples.
Marriages also fail if the two people involved went into the union with the wrong
intentions.
Here are 10 other reasons why some marriages may end in a divorce.
1. Marrying for the wrong reasons: For instance, marrying for money is a
ticket to a quick divorce. However, when you marry because it is what
you want and believe you should do, it’s a different ball game. Many
marry for money thinking they would ‘live happily ever after’ but are
shocked afterwards that there really is no such thing if love is not
present.
2. Lack of individual identity: A codependent relationship is not healthy.
When you don’t have your own interests or the opportunity to express
yourself outside of your relationship, it becomes ‘suffocating’. If you are
not comfortable doing things without your partner, or you don’t know
what kind of music, movies, or food you used to like, you are likely in
deep and you probably feel like you are drowning and don’t know why.
3. Getting lost in the roles: Just as many couples ‘forget’ their single
friends and single ways when they get married, when you add children
into the mix, most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they
are a couple. As children grow and need less attention, many husbands
and wives find that they have grown apart and they can’t remember why
they ever got married in the first place because they no longer have
anything in common.
4. No shared vision of success: “Everything changed when we got married!”
He drives you crazy because you’re a saver and he’s a spender. Your idea
of a weekend getaway is a cozy night in at a homely hotel; your partner
wants to the hit the town and catch a game. He thinks it’s your job to
cook and clean, but you disagree. Why didn’t he mention these things
before? Maybe you should have asked. Chances are that he hasn’t
changed Â? your expectations did. Is it possible to survive major
differences in philosophy? It is possible, but many do not.
5. No more intimacy: Somewhere in a marriage there is a subtle change in
the intimacy department. One person has an off day, there is a
misunderstanding or someone doesn’t feel well. Then there’s the idea that
he isn’t as romantic or she isn’t as sexual. Whoever is the one with the
subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department.
Men generally need sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women
generally need romance to be sexual receptive. As long as both people are
getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person
wants. However, when there is a lessening on either’s part, that can
trigger a pulling back in the other. If gone unnoticed and unchecked,
before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and
wonder what happened. This can lead to divorce as couples begin to feel
unloved and unappreciated.
6. Unmet expectations: Somewhere written into a human’s genetic code lies
the instruction that when a person isn’t happy, he or she is supposed to
force his/her significant to make the changes required to make the
unhappy person happy again. This usually takes the form of complaining,
blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and/or bribing. When
one or both people in the marriage are attempting to coerce each other
into doing things they don’t want to do for their partner’s happiness, it
is a recipe for disaster. When you are unhappy in a relationship, it’s okay
to ask for the change you want. But, if your partner doesn’t oblige you,
then you become responsible for your own happiness.
7. Finances: It’s not usually the lack of finances that causes the divorce,
but the lack of compatibility in the financial arena. Opposites can attract
but when two people are opposites in the financial department, divorce
often ensues. Imagine the conflict if one is a saver and one is a spender.
One is focused on the future while the other believes in living for today.
One has no problem buying on credit, while the other believes in saving up
for what one wants. Over time, this conflict can reach such heights that
divorce seems to be the only logical conclusion.
8. Lack of physical contact: Of course, sex is great, but you also need to
supplement it with little hello and goodbye kisses, impromptu hugs and
simply holding hands. Couples who don’t maintain an intimate connection
through both sexual and non-sexual actions are destined to become
virtual strangers.
9. Different priorities and interests: Having shared interests and exploring
them together is essential for a successful marriage. Of course, having
“me time” is important as well, but unless you can find common passions
and look for ways to experience them together, you’ll inevitably grow
farther and farther apart.
10. Inability to resolve conflicts: Every couple has disagreements. The key is
to develop ground rules so that each partner feels respected and heard.
Sometimes it takes a third party “referee” to help define those rules
and teach us to move through the charged emotions so resentments don’t
linger.
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