Love. It makes the world go ’round, right? Well, at least that’s the how the
saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people confuse love with
things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn’t either of those things. But
these 16 things are.
So here are the characteristics of REAL love:
1. Love means saying goodbye to expectations.
Sure, we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to
be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious. All of
these things are expectations. Expectations are just your requirements for
“acceptability” of loving someone. But true love has no expectations. It simply
loves “as is.”
2. Love doesn’t play the victim role or blame others.
Love doesn’t think others are “out to get them.” Love doesn’t think their loved
ones are wrong. Love works together. It takes responsibility. It forgives and
allows other people’s actions to be their journey. Love doesn’t take things
personally.
3. Love includes letting go.
Love doesn’t equal possession. Just as the saying goes, “If you love something,
set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it never was.” There
is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom. It doesn’t hold tightly and
crush their wings in attempt to keep them. True love doesn’t want to possess.
It is willing to set you free if you want to be.
4. Love doesn’t require you to continue a relationship.
You may love someone very much, but you may not be compatible with them. Or
they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your feelings. You
can still love them, but that doesn’t mean you have to be with them. Love
doesn’t mean that you have to stay, and stay and stay. You can leave the
relationship and love them anyway.
5. Love has no room for jealousy.
Like possession, jealousy doesn’t equal love. We think that if we’re not jealous
of our loved ones that it means that we don’t love them. True love has
confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that the other person is
happy and content coming back to you and only you.
6. Love is the absence of fear.
You can put all emotions on a continuum. On one end, you have love. Then
appreciation. After that, it’s joy, happiness, contentment and satisfaction. On
the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear. Other fear-based emotions
include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy or greed.
7. Love is not needing, but wanting.
One of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference
between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear. You
fear that you can’t live without them, so you need them. And remember, fear
is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life gives them the freedom to
leave, but still shows them you love them.
8. Love is an action, not just a feeling.
Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion — especially when it feels good.
So, when we’re in love, we want to feel that way forever. But guess what?
That higher than “Cloud 9″ feeling goes away after a while. That doesn’t mean
you don’t love the other person anymore, it just means that it’s not new
anymore. So that’s where the action needs to kick in. Show the person you love
them. Don’t just assume they know.
9. Love is unconditional.
The word “unconditional” means that there are no expectations or limitations
set. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most humans aren’t good at
that. But true love really does love without trying to change the other person.
10. Love means putting other people’s needs equal to — or before — your own.
While people may be inherently selfish for survival purposes, this does not serve
us well in relationships. If you don’t put other people’s needs at least equal to
your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly, genuinely cares about other
people’s happiness and will go to great lengths to make people feel valued.
11. Love is the highest vibration emotion that there is.
Science has proven that emotions like love and fear have very different
vibrations. They can actually measure them. Love vibrates very fast, whereas
fear-based emotions (think jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, greed, etc.)
vibrate very slowly. When you love completely and unconditionally, there is no
fear involved. The vibrations of love make you feel good at all times.
12. Love requires attention.
Love doesn’t ignore. It doesn’t look the other way. It wants to be present and
be together. When people are in love, sometimes they think that they don’t
have to “do any more work.” But real love actually enjoys giving attention to
another person. It feels good, and doesn’t see giving attention to another
person as a chore.
13. Love understands and accepts differences.
Let’s face it: We’re all different. Even identical twins aren’t exactly the same.
They have different experiences and outlooks about the world. Real love doesn’t
make other people wrong for being different. When people truly love another
person, they accept their differences.
14. Love varies in how it is expressed and accepted.
What makes us “feel loved” varies. In the book The Five Love Languages by
Gary Chapman, he explains the different ways people give and receive love: (1)
Words (2) Acts of Service, (3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending Time Together and
(5) Touch. It’s important to discover other people’s love language so you can
understand each other and give love in a way that the other person recognizes
it.
15. Love makes you feel good, not bad.
Many people confuse being in a relationship with love. Just because you’re in a
relationship doesn’t mean there is true love present. If there is jealousy,
possessiveness, constant fighting, abuse (verbal, emotional or physical), that is
not love. Refer back to #6. Those are fear-based emotions and actions.
16. Love has empathy.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself into another person’s shoes and see a
situation from his/her point of view. Love has deep empathy. “When you hurt, I
hurt.” People who truly love one another don’t want to hurt them. They want
them to feel good. They care about their feelings and try everything they can
to make them feel valued and worthy.
Remember, love is happiness, appreciation and feeling good. Anything other
than that is not love. If we all loved one another as ourselves, the world would
be a better place!
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