Heard “Not tonight, honey” a few too many times
lately? If it’s just not happening between the
sheets for you and your lady, it might be time to
learn what really gets her psyched for s ex. While
guys are generally up for s ex whenever, wherever
(regardless of the situation), women tend to need
a bit more inspiration, according to Cindy M.
Meston, Ph.D. and David M. Buss, Ph.D., psychology
professors at the University of Texas at Austin and
coauthors of Why Women Have s ex: Understanding s
exual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and
Everything in Between). For a better
understanding of how to get her in the mood,
consider the following eight factors that Meston
and Buss say affects a woman’s lib ido:
1. Her man’s appearance
Men are usually considered to be the most turned
on by visual stimuli (think about it: how many strip
clubs and adult magazines are actually targeted
toward females?), but women are actually quite
turned on by a man’s face, bo dy and movement as
well, say Meston and Buss. “s exually, women are
attracted to men with masculine features,
although not too masculine,” Meston explains. “A
little light stubble is usually a turn-on for women
if it’s clean and well-kept. bo dy-wise, women
generally find men with a V-shaped torso or a high
shoulder-to-hip ratio s exually attractive. Motion is
important, too, as women find athletic prowess and
agility to be s exual turn-ons.” The bottom line: If
you’d like to get her in the sack, a good first step
to take might be getting yourself into the gym.
2. The time of day
Meston says that women are very individualized in
terms of when they most prefer to get it on: “In
general, women want to have s ex when they feel
their best — when they have energy, feel
connected to their partners, aren’t distracted by
work or stressful daily events, and when they feel
s exy — and that may or may not be at night.” In
order to figure out when a woman’s most likely to
be in the mood, pay attention to the times she
seems the most energized and/or chilled out. Try
thinking outside the box — you may find that she’d
love a post-jog quickie right before her shower!
3. Certain smells
Meston and Buss explain that, for women, sense of
smell is far more important than it is to men when
it comes to s exual attraction. Simply put: if a
woman doesn’t like the way a man smells, it’s often
a deal-breaker — whether she consciously realizes
it or not. The number one turn-off reported by
most women is — not surprisingly — bad breath,
says Buss. A woman’s sense of smell also plays an
interesting biological role in what attracts her to a
man, according to Meston: “Olfactory signals
provide a woman with a wealth of information about
a man’s health, hygiene, and even his genetic
makeup,” she notes. Pheromones — tiny airborne
molecules that humans emit from various glands in
their bo dy — can influence a woman’s desire to be
s exually intimate with a man. Male pheromones
have been shown to provide information on a man’s
symmetry, which is an indicator of genetic fitness
and ultimately can determine whether a man is
genetically compatible with a woman. “For many
women — whether they realize it or not — scent
can play an important role in determining her
willingness to have s ex with a man, given her
‘sense’ of whether they can produce genetically
healthy, strong children together,” says Buss.
4. Her guy’s choice of words
Often, what a man says is more important than
what he does when he’s trying to get a woman in
the mood. “Offering compliments is usually a sure-
fire way of making someone want to get closer…
although, if the compliments come across as
insincere, they will actually turn her off,” says
Meston.
To score extra sincerity points, make references to
future activities you’d like to do together, explains
Meston, noting that showing signs of commitment
can often be s exually alluring to women. Buss also
notes that a man with a sense of humor is also a s
exual turn-on for the ladies: “If a man can make a
woman laugh, it relaxes her and makes her feel
that he ‘gets’ her,” he says, adding that a good
sense of humor also conveys some key qualities
women want in a mate: intelligence (it’s hard to be
witty if you’re not too bright), the ability to
gauge her emotional and social perspective (a.k.a.
having the mind-reading skills to know what she
will find amusing), and social verve or confidence.
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